我經歷過的故事---吳文秋牧師
2016年2月第一個星期日，琇瑛還在療養院，我在主日崇拜主持完聖餐、回到辦公室，就不想再出來見人！長期壓力累積引發的憂鬱症，開始顯出猙獰面目。
On the first Sunday of February in 2016, Xiuying was still in the nursing home. After I presided over the sacrament in the Sunday service, I returned to the office, and I didn’t want to come out to see people again! The depression caused by the accumulation of long-term stress began to show its monstrous face.
2018年5月21日從以色列旅遊回來，到家第一件事，就是發訊息給教會群組的弟兄姊妹：「剛進家門，也把師母帶回來。是活的！」有些不知內情的人以為吳牧師在耍嘴皮，拿太太的生命開玩笑！
On May 21, 2018, when I returned from a trip to Israel, the first thing I did when I got home was to send a message to the brothers and sisters in the church group: "When I entered the house, I brought my wife back. She's alive!" To those who didn’t know the background, some thought Pastor Wu was make fun of his wife's life!
如果死在耶路撒冷 If you die in Jerusalem
同年的復活節是4月1日，當天教會房牧師在講道時說了一個故事： 一對老夫妻到以色列旅遊，妻子意外死在耶路撒冷。葬儀社人員給先生兩個選擇，讓妻子就地葬在耶路撒冷，只要美金五千元；若運回美國下葬，需要五萬元。丈夫還是決定把妻子運回美國下葬。問他為什麼？
Easter of the same year fell on April 1st. On that day, the pastor of the church told a story in his sermon: An old couple traveled to Israel, and their wife died unexpectedly in Jerusalem. The staff of the funeral agency gave the husband two options. His wife would be buried in Jerusalem for only US$5,000; If they shipped the body back to the United States for burial, it would cost $50,000. The husband decided to ship his wife back to the United States for burial. Upon asking him why?
「我聽說有個叫耶穌的，死了葬在耶路撒冷，結果，第三天又復活了！」
"I heard that a man named Jesus died and was buried in Jerusalem, but he rose again on the third day!"
那天禮拜結束，我不得不將妻子琇瑛送急診，她全身浮腫，呼吸困難。其實週六晚上她就不對勁了，但為了不想錯過主日與弟兄姊妹一起敬拜上帝而強忍著。星期日早上出門的時候，我感到應該送她去醫院，她穿襪子彎腰都很困難，身體好像斗圓的啤酒桶。
At the end of the service that day, I had to take my wife, Xiuying, to the emergency room. She was swollen and had difficulty breathing. In fact, something was wrong with her on Saturday night, but she endured it because she didn't want to miss the Lord's Day to worship God with her brothers and sisters. When I went out on Sunday morning, I felt that I should take her to the hospital, she had difficulty bending over to put on her socks, and her body was like a round beer keg.
琇瑛在醫院住了四天，還是坐在輪椅上、帶著氧氣筒出院的。想到房牧師說的故事，我心中百感交集。5月13日就要到以色列旅遊，如果琇瑛死在那裡，我要如何決定？
Xiuying stayed in the hospital for four days, and was discharged in a wheelchair with an oxygen cylinder. When I think of the story that Pastor Fang told, I had mixed feelings. I trip to Israel on May 13 was coming upon us soon. If Xiuying dies there, what will I decide?
她的肝要換了Her liver is about to be replaced
故事要從2015年4月下旬講起。某個週五晚上琇瑛忙著燉一鍋牛肉湯，預備隔天招待想念家鄉美味的留學生吃牛肉麵，忙到深夜，就在沙發上睡著了。週六上午，我打算吃完早餐就要出門到教會帶領弟兄會。突然，背後一聲巨響，我猛回頭，看到琇瑛倒在地上，兩眼翻白。緊急把她送到醫院，輸了四袋血，救回一條命。初步診斷是食道靜脈曲張。7月又送急診，同樣馬上輸血，進一步診斷是免疫系統問題造成肝硬化。9月底做經肝靜脈、頸靜脈血液回流手術，專科醫生事先知會我們，有三分之一做過這種手術的病人會出現肝性腦病。一週後琇瑛果然出現肝性腦病，頭腦混亂，基本生活無法自理。
The story will start in late April 2015. On a Friday night, Xiuying was busy cooking a pot of beef soup, preparing to serve beef noodles to foreign students who missed the delicious taste of her hometown the next day. She was busy late at night and fell asleep on the sofa. On Saturday morning, I planned to go out to church to lead the brethren after breakfast. Suddenly, there was a loud noise behind me, and I turned around to see Xiuying lying on the ground, her eyes rolling. She was rushed to the hospital, where she received four bags of blood and saved her life. The initial diagnosis was esophageal varices. In July, she was sent to the emergency room again, and she also received blood transfusion immediately. Further diagnosis was that the liver cirrhosis caused by immune system problems. At the end of September, the operation of blood flow through the hepatic vein and the jugular vein was performed. The specialist informed us in advance that one third of the patients who had undergone this operation would develop hepatic encephalopathy. A week later, Xiuying really developed hepatic encephalopathy, her mind was confused, and she could not take care of herself in basic life.
最令我驚恐的是她夜間會起來漫遊，卻來不及如廁，甚至不知道浴室在哪裡。有一次半夜醒來，發現她不在我身邊，急著跑遍樓上樓下找她，最後發現她在我的書房，地毯卻已經濕了！每次出現肝性腦病就要送急診，接下來幾個月，我已記不清到底送了幾次急診？漸漸的，我開始害怕從醫院接琇瑛回家，便把她送到療養院。
The thing that scares me the most was that she would get up at night to roam and not have time to go to the toilet or even know where the bathroom was. Once I woke up in the middle of the night and found that she was not by my side. I hurriedly ran upstairs and downstairs to look for her, and finally found her in my study, but the carpet was already wet! Every time she had hepatic encephalopathy, she had to go to the emergency room. In the next few months, I can't remember how many times she went to the emergency room. Gradually, I became afraid of taking Xiuying home from the hospital, so I sent her to a nursing home.
憂鬱症的吞噬 Depression swallowed
有一次琇瑛在療養院摔倒昏迷，緊急送到醫院，有兩位從教會來陪伴的姊妹急得像熱窩上的螞蟻，她們使盡吃奶之力仍喚不醒！甚至要小兒子當天開車六、七個小時到醫院，似乎預備最後道別。
Once Xiuying fell into a coma in a nursing home and was rushed to the hospital. Two sisters who came to accompany her from the church were as anxious as ants in a hot pan. He even asked the younger son to drive six or seven hours to the hospital that day, as if preparing to say goodbye.
2016年2月第一個星期日，琇瑛還在療養院，我在主日崇拜主持完聖餐、回到辦公室，就不想再出來見人！長期壓力累積引發的憂鬱症，開始顯出猙獰面目，伸出牠的魔掌，死纏著我不放。我陷在重度憂鬱中，平日最喜愛的希伯來文和古典音樂也提不起我的興趣，不想吃，不想喝，整天整夜躺著，最嚴重時盼望從地球上消失。
On the first Sunday of February 2016, Xiuying was still in the nursing home. After I presided over the sacrament in the Sunday service, I returned to the office, and I didn’t want to come out to see people again! The depression caused by the accumulation of long-term stress began to show a hideous face, stretched out its clutches, and clung to me. I was in a deep depression, my favorite Hebrew and classical music didn't interest me on the weekdays, I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to drink, I lay all day and night, and at worst, I longed to disappear from the face of the earth.
那年4月復活節期間，大兒子買了機票，邀請我們到他在路易斯安那州的家住一個多月，希望逗人喜愛的小孫女會激發我求生欲望，又帶我去游泳、運動，仍徒勞無功。回到紐約後，有一回小兒子趁週末休假，從馬利蘭州開了六、七小時的車來陪我，陪我散步聊天，但才走幾步、沒說幾句話，我就說要回家。當天陽光普照，風和日麗，若是正常情況，我在家裡是待不住的。快進家門時，小兒子看著一臉冷漠的我，忍不住抱著我痛哭：「爸爸！你怎麼變成這個樣子？」
During Easter in April that year, my eldest son bought a plane ticket and invited us to stay at his home in Louisiana for more than a month, hoping that my cute little granddaughter would inspire my desire to live, and take me to swim, and exercise in vain. After returning to New York, once my younger son took the weekend off and drove six or seven hours from Maryland to accompany me for a walk and chat, but after walking a few steps and not saying a few words, I said that go home. The sun was shining, and the wind was sunny that day. Under normal circumstances, I would not be able to stay at home. When I was about to enter the house, the younger son looked at me with an indifferent face and couldn't help crying bitterly in his arms: "Dad! How did you become like this?"
「我帶你們去耶路撒冷！」"I will take you to Jerusalem!"
2016年10月，透過熊聖華牧師等友人協助，安排我避開紐約的寒冬，回台灣養病五個多月。台灣親戚朋友的幫助讓我短暫恢復，但仍沒有脫離憂鬱症。2017年5月底，我從紐約搬回肯塔基州的老家，9月底，藥物的副作用讓我難以忍受，於是自行停止服藥。困在憂鬱的濃霧中，我寸步難行，將近兩年後，上帝竟然拯救我徹底脫離憂鬱症的魔掌。回醫院複診時，醫生並未怪我不先諮詢她就停止用藥，只說：「真好！」從琇瑛生病，接著我得了嚴重憂鬱症，這一路上有許多弟兄姊妹為我們禱告，扶持我們，上帝聽見了，也看見了。
In October 2016, with the help of Pastor Xiong Shenghua and other friends, I was arranged to avoid the cold winter in New York and return to Taiwan to recover for more than five months. The help of relatives and friends in Taiwan allowed me to recover briefly, but I still did not get rid of the depression. At the end of May 2017, I moved back to my hometown in Kentucky from New York. At the end of September, the side effects of the medication were unbearable, so I stopped taking the medication on my own. Trapped in the fog of depression, I couldn't move an inch, and nearly two years later, God delivered me completely from the clutches of depression. When I returned to the hospital for a follow-up consultation, the doctor did not blame me for stopping the medication without consulting her first, but only said, "It's great!" Cong Xiuying fell ill, and then I fell into severe depression. Many brothers and sisters prayed for us and supported us along the way. , God heard and saw.
2017年5月，就在我們搬回肯塔基州之前，蔡國文、張成牧師夫婦從加州到紐約來探望我們。蔡國文是我的大學好友，早我半年信耶穌，又帶領我信主，他對我說：「我帶你們去耶路撒冷，我幫你們籌款。」當時我還陷在憂鬱症中，想到琇瑛仍需要在家照護，耳朵聽到這話，心裡卻沒有一點感覺。
In May 2017, just before we moved back to Kentucky, Mr. Cai Guowen, Pastor Zhang Cheng and his wife came to New York from California to visit us. Cai Guowen was my college friend. He believed in Jesus six months before me, and he led me to the Lord. He said to me, "I will take you to Jerusalem, and I will help you raise money." At that time, I was still in depression and thought about Xiu. Ying still needs to be taken care of at home. Hearing this in his ears, he has no feeling in his heart.
2018年2月，蔡國文又來電話，要我們的護照資料，說要幫我們訂機票了。那時我已經從憂鬱的濃霧中走出來，腦筋能正常運轉，也可看清楚更遠的路。但我無法不面對現實，琇瑛還要定時靠藥物控制肝性腦病，加上罹患糖尿病，每天要打三次胰島素，身體虛弱。聽說到耶路撒冷要走很多路，有許多上下坡，琇瑛走得了嗎？我徵詢她的意見，她竟然說：「好！」
In February 2018, Cai Guowen called again and asked for our passport information, saying that he would book our flight tickets for us. At that time, I had come out of the fog of melancholy, my brain could function normally, and I could see the road farther. But I couldn't help but face the reality, Xiuying had to rely on regular medication to control hepatic encephalopathy. In addition, she was suffering from diabetes. She had to take insulin three times a day, and she was weak. I heard that there are many roads to go to Jerusalem, and there are many up and down slopes. Can Xiuying walk? I asked her for advice, and she said, "Okay!"
好吧！已經困在家裡三年，上帝已預備旅途上需用的一切，祂的恩典在向我們招手，與其在家裡等死，不如走出去。即使死在路上，至於葬在耶路撒冷還是運回美國，等到事情發生再說！
All right! Having been stuck at home for three years, God has prepared everything we need for the journey, and His grace is beckoning to us, it is better to go out than to wait for death at home. Even if you die on the road, as for the burial in Jerusalem or transport it back to the United States, wait until it happens!
那墳墓是空的 the tomb is empty
大兒子在行前為我們買了旅遊保險，也為媽媽找了一支拐杖，走累了可以隨時坐下來休息；還有弟兄為我們預備最聰明的傻瓜相機，鼓勵我們拍下歷史見證；也有姊妹送我們好用的旅行背包，方便隨身帶著備用的藥物。
The eldest son bought travel insurance for us before the trip, and also found a crutch for our mother, so that he can sit down and rest anytime when he is tired from walking; some brothers prepared the smartest point-and-shoot camera for us, and encouraged us to take pictures of historical witnesses; The sister gave us a useful travel backpack, which is convenient to carry spare medicines with you.
到了耶路撒冷，前兩天琇瑛還拄著拐杖，第三天就把拐杖留在旅館。剛開始我們都跟在她後頭，兩天後我就跑到前頭去了。剛開始我緊盯著琇瑛，後來忙著照相，隨行的弟兄姊妹只要看到琇瑛單獨一人，就過來扶她，這些弟兄姊妹都是從中國內地和北美到以色列才初次見面，卻像久違的家人！琇瑛除了避免鹽分太高刺激皮膚，沒有下死海漂浮之外，所有的景點都跟到底。當她從狹長、陡峭的石階，且高低起伏的古地下水道走出來時，我目睹神蹟的面貌。能進入相傳是安放耶穌屍體的地方，讓琇瑛特別有感受。耶穌真的復活了，墳墓是空的！當我和琇瑛走進墓穴，又走出墓門的那一剎那，我忍不住高呼： 哈利路亞！
When she arrived in Jerusalem, Xiuying was still on crutches for the first two days, and left the crutches at the hotel the third day. We all followed her at first, but after two days I ran ahead. At first, I stared at Xiuying closely, and then I was busy taking pictures. The brothers and sisters accompanying her came to help her whenever they saw Xiuying alone. These brothers and sisters only met for the first time from mainland China and North America to Israel, but they were like Long lost family! In addition to avoiding too much salt to irritate the skin and not floating in the Dead Sea, Xiuying follows all the attractions to the end. As she emerged from the long, steep stone steps and the undulating ancient underground waterway, I witnessed the miracle. Being able to enter the place where the body of Jesus is said to be placed makes Xiuying especially feel. Jesus is really risen and the tomb is empty! When Xiuying and I walked into the tomb and walked out of the tomb door, I couldn't help shouting: Hallelujah!
從以色列旅遊回來後，琇瑛的身體持續復原，甚至原本等候要做肝臟移植手術，經過醫生複檢，竟決定將她從等候名單移除──不必動手術了。但她仍然要靠藥物控制肝性腦病，打胰島素來控制血糖。走過死蔭幽谷，我似乎對「害怕」產生免疫力。面對病痛，甚至死亡，我不再恐懼，死亡已成為過去式。我「知道那叫主耶穌復活的，也必叫我們與耶穌一同復活，並且叫我們與你們一同站在他面前。」（哥林多後書四章14節）。琇瑛和我一起經歷耶穌從死裡復活的大能，也更深信祂說的：「復活在我，生命也在我。信我的人雖然死了，也必復活；凡活著信我的人必永遠不死。」（約翰福音十一章25～26節）
After returning from a trip to Israel, Xiuying's body continued to recover, and she was even waiting for a liver transplant. After a re-examination by the doctor, she decided to remove her from the waiting list—no surgery needed. But she still relies on drugs to control hepatic encephalopathy and insulin to control blood sugar. Walking through the valley of the shadow of death, I seem to be immune to "fear". In the face of illness, even death, I no longer fear, death has become a thing of the past. I "know that he who raised the Lord Jesus will also raise us up with Jesus, and make us stand before him with you" (2 Corinthians 4:14). Xiuying and I experienced the power of Jesus' resurrection from the dead together, and we were even more convinced of what He said: "I am the resurrection, and I am the life. Those who believe in me, even if they die, will also rise; whoever lives and believes in me will live again. man shall never die." (John 11:25-26)
有人這樣為神蹟下定義：神蹟就是上帝做了一些事，不讓人知道，而留下來的腳蹤痕跡。「信的人必有神蹟隨著他們……，證實所傳的道。」（馬可福音十六章17～20節）神蹟的重點是行神蹟的人，而不只是行出來的事。這次旅遊讓我看到，原來信耶穌的人都是神蹟的器皿，神蹟不只是發生某些事情，而是有一群蒙上帝分別為聖的人走在一起，以基督耶穌的心為心，與祂同行，做了一些不想讓人知道的事，同時期待瞎眼的能看見，瘸腿的能起來行走，人看為將死的人能從死裡復活，來見證耶穌是復活生命的主。
Some people define miracles in this way: miracles are the traces of footsteps left behind by God doing something, not known to others. "And those who believe shall have signs with them... and confirm the preaching" (Mark 16:17-20). The point of a miracle is the performer, not just the performer. thing. This trip made me see that people who believe in Jesus are vessels of miracles. Miracles are not just about something happening, but a group of people who have been sanctified by God walking together with the heart of Christ Jesus as their heart. , walked with Him, did some things that people didn't want people to know, and hoped that the blind could see, the lame could get up and walk, and those who were considered dying could be raised from the dead, to testify that Jesus is the Lord of resurrection life .
從以色列旅遊回來，發訊息給教會群組的弟兄姊妹：「剛進家門，也把師母帶回來了。是活的！」這可不是拿生命在開玩笑！
After returning from a trip to Israel, I sent a message to the brothers and sisters in the church group: "I just entered the house, and I brought my wife back. She's alive!" This is not a joke about life!
On the first Sunday of February in 2016, Xiuying was still in the nursing home. After I presided over the sacrament in the Sunday service, I returned to the office, and I didn’t want to come out to see people again! The depression caused by the accumulation of long-term stress began to show its monstrous face.
2018年5月21日從以色列旅遊回來，到家第一件事，就是發訊息給教會群組的弟兄姊妹：「剛進家門，也把師母帶回來。是活的！」有些不知內情的人以為吳牧師在耍嘴皮，拿太太的生命開玩笑！
On May 21, 2018, when I returned from a trip to Israel, the first thing I did when I got home was to send a message to the brothers and sisters in the church group: "When I entered the house, I brought my wife back. She's alive!" To those who didn’t know the background, some thought Pastor Wu was make fun of his wife's life!
如果死在耶路撒冷 If you die in Jerusalem
同年的復活節是4月1日，當天教會房牧師在講道時說了一個故事： 一對老夫妻到以色列旅遊，妻子意外死在耶路撒冷。葬儀社人員給先生兩個選擇，讓妻子就地葬在耶路撒冷，只要美金五千元；若運回美國下葬，需要五萬元。丈夫還是決定把妻子運回美國下葬。問他為什麼？
Easter of the same year fell on April 1st. On that day, the pastor of the church told a story in his sermon: An old couple traveled to Israel, and their wife died unexpectedly in Jerusalem. The staff of the funeral agency gave the husband two options. His wife would be buried in Jerusalem for only US$5,000; If they shipped the body back to the United States for burial, it would cost $50,000. The husband decided to ship his wife back to the United States for burial. Upon asking him why?
「我聽說有個叫耶穌的，死了葬在耶路撒冷，結果，第三天又復活了！」
"I heard that a man named Jesus died and was buried in Jerusalem, but he rose again on the third day!"
那天禮拜結束，我不得不將妻子琇瑛送急診，她全身浮腫，呼吸困難。其實週六晚上她就不對勁了，但為了不想錯過主日與弟兄姊妹一起敬拜上帝而強忍著。星期日早上出門的時候，我感到應該送她去醫院，她穿襪子彎腰都很困難，身體好像斗圓的啤酒桶。
At the end of the service that day, I had to take my wife, Xiuying, to the emergency room. She was swollen and had difficulty breathing. In fact, something was wrong with her on Saturday night, but she endured it because she didn't want to miss the Lord's Day to worship God with her brothers and sisters. When I went out on Sunday morning, I felt that I should take her to the hospital, she had difficulty bending over to put on her socks, and her body was like a round beer keg.
琇瑛在醫院住了四天，還是坐在輪椅上、帶著氧氣筒出院的。想到房牧師說的故事，我心中百感交集。5月13日就要到以色列旅遊，如果琇瑛死在那裡，我要如何決定？
Xiuying stayed in the hospital for four days, and was discharged in a wheelchair with an oxygen cylinder. When I think of the story that Pastor Fang told, I had mixed feelings. I trip to Israel on May 13 was coming upon us soon. If Xiuying dies there, what will I decide?
她的肝要換了Her liver is about to be replaced
故事要從2015年4月下旬講起。某個週五晚上琇瑛忙著燉一鍋牛肉湯，預備隔天招待想念家鄉美味的留學生吃牛肉麵，忙到深夜，就在沙發上睡著了。週六上午，我打算吃完早餐就要出門到教會帶領弟兄會。突然，背後一聲巨響，我猛回頭，看到琇瑛倒在地上，兩眼翻白。緊急把她送到醫院，輸了四袋血，救回一條命。初步診斷是食道靜脈曲張。7月又送急診，同樣馬上輸血，進一步診斷是免疫系統問題造成肝硬化。9月底做經肝靜脈、頸靜脈血液回流手術，專科醫生事先知會我們，有三分之一做過這種手術的病人會出現肝性腦病。一週後琇瑛果然出現肝性腦病，頭腦混亂，基本生活無法自理。
The story will start in late April 2015. On a Friday night, Xiuying was busy cooking a pot of beef soup, preparing to serve beef noodles to foreign students who missed the delicious taste of her hometown the next day. She was busy late at night and fell asleep on the sofa. On Saturday morning, I planned to go out to church to lead the brethren after breakfast. Suddenly, there was a loud noise behind me, and I turned around to see Xiuying lying on the ground, her eyes rolling. She was rushed to the hospital, where she received four bags of blood and saved her life. The initial diagnosis was esophageal varices. In July, she was sent to the emergency room again, and she also received blood transfusion immediately. Further diagnosis was that the liver cirrhosis caused by immune system problems. At the end of September, the operation of blood flow through the hepatic vein and the jugular vein was performed. The specialist informed us in advance that one third of the patients who had undergone this operation would develop hepatic encephalopathy. A week later, Xiuying really developed hepatic encephalopathy, her mind was confused, and she could not take care of herself in basic life.
最令我驚恐的是她夜間會起來漫遊，卻來不及如廁，甚至不知道浴室在哪裡。有一次半夜醒來，發現她不在我身邊，急著跑遍樓上樓下找她，最後發現她在我的書房，地毯卻已經濕了！每次出現肝性腦病就要送急診，接下來幾個月，我已記不清到底送了幾次急診？漸漸的，我開始害怕從醫院接琇瑛回家，便把她送到療養院。
The thing that scares me the most was that she would get up at night to roam and not have time to go to the toilet or even know where the bathroom was. Once I woke up in the middle of the night and found that she was not by my side. I hurriedly ran upstairs and downstairs to look for her, and finally found her in my study, but the carpet was already wet! Every time she had hepatic encephalopathy, she had to go to the emergency room. In the next few months, I can't remember how many times she went to the emergency room. Gradually, I became afraid of taking Xiuying home from the hospital, so I sent her to a nursing home.
憂鬱症的吞噬 Depression swallowed
有一次琇瑛在療養院摔倒昏迷，緊急送到醫院，有兩位從教會來陪伴的姊妹急得像熱窩上的螞蟻，她們使盡吃奶之力仍喚不醒！甚至要小兒子當天開車六、七個小時到醫院，似乎預備最後道別。
Once Xiuying fell into a coma in a nursing home and was rushed to the hospital. Two sisters who came to accompany her from the church were as anxious as ants in a hot pan. He even asked the younger son to drive six or seven hours to the hospital that day, as if preparing to say goodbye.
2016年2月第一個星期日，琇瑛還在療養院，我在主日崇拜主持完聖餐、回到辦公室，就不想再出來見人！長期壓力累積引發的憂鬱症，開始顯出猙獰面目，伸出牠的魔掌，死纏著我不放。我陷在重度憂鬱中，平日最喜愛的希伯來文和古典音樂也提不起我的興趣，不想吃，不想喝，整天整夜躺著，最嚴重時盼望從地球上消失。
On the first Sunday of February 2016, Xiuying was still in the nursing home. After I presided over the sacrament in the Sunday service, I returned to the office, and I didn’t want to come out to see people again! The depression caused by the accumulation of long-term stress began to show a hideous face, stretched out its clutches, and clung to me. I was in a deep depression, my favorite Hebrew and classical music didn't interest me on the weekdays, I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to drink, I lay all day and night, and at worst, I longed to disappear from the face of the earth.
那年4月復活節期間，大兒子買了機票，邀請我們到他在路易斯安那州的家住一個多月，希望逗人喜愛的小孫女會激發我求生欲望，又帶我去游泳、運動，仍徒勞無功。回到紐約後，有一回小兒子趁週末休假，從馬利蘭州開了六、七小時的車來陪我，陪我散步聊天，但才走幾步、沒說幾句話，我就說要回家。當天陽光普照，風和日麗，若是正常情況，我在家裡是待不住的。快進家門時，小兒子看著一臉冷漠的我，忍不住抱著我痛哭：「爸爸！你怎麼變成這個樣子？」
During Easter in April that year, my eldest son bought a plane ticket and invited us to stay at his home in Louisiana for more than a month, hoping that my cute little granddaughter would inspire my desire to live, and take me to swim, and exercise in vain. After returning to New York, once my younger son took the weekend off and drove six or seven hours from Maryland to accompany me for a walk and chat, but after walking a few steps and not saying a few words, I said that go home. The sun was shining, and the wind was sunny that day. Under normal circumstances, I would not be able to stay at home. When I was about to enter the house, the younger son looked at me with an indifferent face and couldn't help crying bitterly in his arms: "Dad! How did you become like this?"
「我帶你們去耶路撒冷！」"I will take you to Jerusalem!"
2016年10月，透過熊聖華牧師等友人協助，安排我避開紐約的寒冬，回台灣養病五個多月。台灣親戚朋友的幫助讓我短暫恢復，但仍沒有脫離憂鬱症。2017年5月底，我從紐約搬回肯塔基州的老家，9月底，藥物的副作用讓我難以忍受，於是自行停止服藥。困在憂鬱的濃霧中，我寸步難行，將近兩年後，上帝竟然拯救我徹底脫離憂鬱症的魔掌。回醫院複診時，醫生並未怪我不先諮詢她就停止用藥，只說：「真好！」從琇瑛生病，接著我得了嚴重憂鬱症，這一路上有許多弟兄姊妹為我們禱告，扶持我們，上帝聽見了，也看見了。
In October 2016, with the help of Pastor Xiong Shenghua and other friends, I was arranged to avoid the cold winter in New York and return to Taiwan to recover for more than five months. The help of relatives and friends in Taiwan allowed me to recover briefly, but I still did not get rid of the depression. At the end of May 2017, I moved back to my hometown in Kentucky from New York. At the end of September, the side effects of the medication were unbearable, so I stopped taking the medication on my own. Trapped in the fog of depression, I couldn't move an inch, and nearly two years later, God delivered me completely from the clutches of depression. When I returned to the hospital for a follow-up consultation, the doctor did not blame me for stopping the medication without consulting her first, but only said, "It's great!" Cong Xiuying fell ill, and then I fell into severe depression. Many brothers and sisters prayed for us and supported us along the way. , God heard and saw.
2017年5月，就在我們搬回肯塔基州之前，蔡國文、張成牧師夫婦從加州到紐約來探望我們。蔡國文是我的大學好友，早我半年信耶穌，又帶領我信主，他對我說：「我帶你們去耶路撒冷，我幫你們籌款。」當時我還陷在憂鬱症中，想到琇瑛仍需要在家照護，耳朵聽到這話，心裡卻沒有一點感覺。
In May 2017, just before we moved back to Kentucky, Mr. Cai Guowen, Pastor Zhang Cheng and his wife came to New York from California to visit us. Cai Guowen was my college friend. He believed in Jesus six months before me, and he led me to the Lord. He said to me, "I will take you to Jerusalem, and I will help you raise money." At that time, I was still in depression and thought about Xiu. Ying still needs to be taken care of at home. Hearing this in his ears, he has no feeling in his heart.
2018年2月，蔡國文又來電話，要我們的護照資料，說要幫我們訂機票了。那時我已經從憂鬱的濃霧中走出來，腦筋能正常運轉，也可看清楚更遠的路。但我無法不面對現實，琇瑛還要定時靠藥物控制肝性腦病，加上罹患糖尿病，每天要打三次胰島素，身體虛弱。聽說到耶路撒冷要走很多路，有許多上下坡，琇瑛走得了嗎？我徵詢她的意見，她竟然說：「好！」
In February 2018, Cai Guowen called again and asked for our passport information, saying that he would book our flight tickets for us. At that time, I had come out of the fog of melancholy, my brain could function normally, and I could see the road farther. But I couldn't help but face the reality, Xiuying had to rely on regular medication to control hepatic encephalopathy. In addition, she was suffering from diabetes. She had to take insulin three times a day, and she was weak. I heard that there are many roads to go to Jerusalem, and there are many up and down slopes. Can Xiuying walk? I asked her for advice, and she said, "Okay!"
好吧！已經困在家裡三年，上帝已預備旅途上需用的一切，祂的恩典在向我們招手，與其在家裡等死，不如走出去。即使死在路上，至於葬在耶路撒冷還是運回美國，等到事情發生再說！
All right! Having been stuck at home for three years, God has prepared everything we need for the journey, and His grace is beckoning to us, it is better to go out than to wait for death at home. Even if you die on the road, as for the burial in Jerusalem or transport it back to the United States, wait until it happens!
那墳墓是空的 the tomb is empty
大兒子在行前為我們買了旅遊保險，也為媽媽找了一支拐杖，走累了可以隨時坐下來休息；還有弟兄為我們預備最聰明的傻瓜相機，鼓勵我們拍下歷史見證；也有姊妹送我們好用的旅行背包，方便隨身帶著備用的藥物。
The eldest son bought travel insurance for us before the trip, and also found a crutch for our mother, so that he can sit down and rest anytime when he is tired from walking; some brothers prepared the smartest point-and-shoot camera for us, and encouraged us to take pictures of historical witnesses; The sister gave us a useful travel backpack, which is convenient to carry spare medicines with you.
到了耶路撒冷，前兩天琇瑛還拄著拐杖，第三天就把拐杖留在旅館。剛開始我們都跟在她後頭，兩天後我就跑到前頭去了。剛開始我緊盯著琇瑛，後來忙著照相，隨行的弟兄姊妹只要看到琇瑛單獨一人，就過來扶她，這些弟兄姊妹都是從中國內地和北美到以色列才初次見面，卻像久違的家人！琇瑛除了避免鹽分太高刺激皮膚，沒有下死海漂浮之外，所有的景點都跟到底。當她從狹長、陡峭的石階，且高低起伏的古地下水道走出來時，我目睹神蹟的面貌。能進入相傳是安放耶穌屍體的地方，讓琇瑛特別有感受。耶穌真的復活了，墳墓是空的！當我和琇瑛走進墓穴，又走出墓門的那一剎那，我忍不住高呼： 哈利路亞！
When she arrived in Jerusalem, Xiuying was still on crutches for the first two days, and left the crutches at the hotel the third day. We all followed her at first, but after two days I ran ahead. At first, I stared at Xiuying closely, and then I was busy taking pictures. The brothers and sisters accompanying her came to help her whenever they saw Xiuying alone. These brothers and sisters only met for the first time from mainland China and North America to Israel, but they were like Long lost family! In addition to avoiding too much salt to irritate the skin and not floating in the Dead Sea, Xiuying follows all the attractions to the end. As she emerged from the long, steep stone steps and the undulating ancient underground waterway, I witnessed the miracle. Being able to enter the place where the body of Jesus is said to be placed makes Xiuying especially feel. Jesus is really risen and the tomb is empty! When Xiuying and I walked into the tomb and walked out of the tomb door, I couldn't help shouting: Hallelujah!
從以色列旅遊回來後，琇瑛的身體持續復原，甚至原本等候要做肝臟移植手術，經過醫生複檢，竟決定將她從等候名單移除──不必動手術了。但她仍然要靠藥物控制肝性腦病，打胰島素來控制血糖。走過死蔭幽谷，我似乎對「害怕」產生免疫力。面對病痛，甚至死亡，我不再恐懼，死亡已成為過去式。我「知道那叫主耶穌復活的，也必叫我們與耶穌一同復活，並且叫我們與你們一同站在他面前。」（哥林多後書四章14節）。琇瑛和我一起經歷耶穌從死裡復活的大能，也更深信祂說的：「復活在我，生命也在我。信我的人雖然死了，也必復活；凡活著信我的人必永遠不死。」（約翰福音十一章25～26節）
After returning from a trip to Israel, Xiuying's body continued to recover, and she was even waiting for a liver transplant. After a re-examination by the doctor, she decided to remove her from the waiting list—no surgery needed. But she still relies on drugs to control hepatic encephalopathy and insulin to control blood sugar. Walking through the valley of the shadow of death, I seem to be immune to "fear". In the face of illness, even death, I no longer fear, death has become a thing of the past. I "know that he who raised the Lord Jesus will also raise us up with Jesus, and make us stand before him with you" (2 Corinthians 4:14). Xiuying and I experienced the power of Jesus' resurrection from the dead together, and we were even more convinced of what He said: "I am the resurrection, and I am the life. Those who believe in me, even if they die, will also rise; whoever lives and believes in me will live again. man shall never die." (John 11:25-26)
有人這樣為神蹟下定義：神蹟就是上帝做了一些事，不讓人知道，而留下來的腳蹤痕跡。「信的人必有神蹟隨著他們……，證實所傳的道。」（馬可福音十六章17～20節）神蹟的重點是行神蹟的人，而不只是行出來的事。這次旅遊讓我看到，原來信耶穌的人都是神蹟的器皿，神蹟不只是發生某些事情，而是有一群蒙上帝分別為聖的人走在一起，以基督耶穌的心為心，與祂同行，做了一些不想讓人知道的事，同時期待瞎眼的能看見，瘸腿的能起來行走，人看為將死的人能從死裡復活，來見證耶穌是復活生命的主。
Some people define miracles in this way: miracles are the traces of footsteps left behind by God doing something, not known to others. "And those who believe shall have signs with them... and confirm the preaching" (Mark 16:17-20). The point of a miracle is the performer, not just the performer. thing. This trip made me see that people who believe in Jesus are vessels of miracles. Miracles are not just about something happening, but a group of people who have been sanctified by God walking together with the heart of Christ Jesus as their heart. , walked with Him, did some things that people didn't want people to know, and hoped that the blind could see, the lame could get up and walk, and those who were considered dying could be raised from the dead, to testify that Jesus is the Lord of resurrection life .
從以色列旅遊回來，發訊息給教會群組的弟兄姊妹：「剛進家門，也把師母帶回來了。是活的！」這可不是拿生命在開玩笑！
After returning from a trip to Israel, I sent a message to the brothers and sisters in the church group: "I just entered the house, and I brought my wife back. She's alive!" This is not a joke about life!
